


The Tucker Effect

by George_Benji



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Death, Neck trauma, No Smut, The butterfly effect, canon-typical swearing minus early season use of slurs, fluff and comedy, people die and come back again, post-college, school shooting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-10-01 07:38:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17240174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/George_Benji/pseuds/George_Benji
Summary: Washington and Tucker had broken up five weeks ago. They had ended a seven-year-relationship over… something. Wash wasn't even really sure what it had even been. A small thing caused a joke-argument that somehow escalated to this point.--The smallest thing can change your life forever. What happens when you're given a chance to fix, and what happens when you just can't resist the reason it all went south?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for MONTHS holy shit. Then I got drunk tonight and decided to continue on it and wkoops wrote about 4k works after the original 2k i already had. I'm not sure how many parts this will be, as of right now there will at least be 1 more part equal length or longer, but there might be like 2 more parts depending on where I narativly decide to pause it for the slplits- anyway, enjoy!!
> 
> (i do writing/fic commissions if you're interested >:^3c)  
> tumblr(s): georgebenji, georgebenjiart, mlmdonut  
> twitter: @bigbosshossjr

Washington and Tucker had broken up five weeks ago. They had ended a seven-year-relationship over… something. Wash wasn't even really sure what it had even been. A small thing caused a joke-argument that somehow escalated to this point.

 

Wash was feeling numb still, the most jarring part of this was that he wasn't able to call Tucker and talk about his feelings. Wash had debated with himself about calling Tucker… but it felt calloused to call Tucker and demand he be Washington's friend again just so he could rant that Carolina never wanted to have fun.

 

Now, the shock of getting a call from Tucker's phone was heightened by two facts; Wash had his finger over the dial button, and it was 2am. Before he even thought twice about it, Washington answered the phone call.

 

“ _ He-hello? _ ” an unfamiliar voice asked apprehensively through the phone.

 

“Who is this? Where's Tucker?” Washington couldn't help but feel his heart drop.

 

“ _ Um… Is your name… David… Wa-.. Washing… ton?” _ the person seemed to paused as if double checking that that was in fact his name.

 

“Um.. Yeah- Where is Tucker though?” 

 

“ _ Tucker was in- he was in an accident. There seems to be suspicious circumstances so if he is able to pull though-...”  _ there was a pause and some urgent sounding mumbling between people in the background, “ _ either way- we need you to come identify him at Providence Hospital. My name is Officer Genkins so when you get here I'll be talking to you. _ ”

 

“Um. O...kay.” Washington then hung up and was at the hospital sprinting to the reception before he even fully processed what his body was doing. “La-Lavernius… Tucker,” he gasped, out of breath, and not even at the front desk yet.

 

There was a pause as the receptionist typed his name into her computer before, “Could you spell that for me?”

 

“Yeah, L-A-V-E-R-N-I-U-S.” Wash couldn’t help but bounce on his feet. This was taking too long, Tucker was somewhere in here in god-knows-what state and Wash needed to be with him.

 

“Okay, got it. Your name?”

 

“David Washington.”

 

“Okay. I’ll the officer in to lead you there.” Phyllis, as it said on her nametag, picked up a phone and let Officer Genkins know that Wash was there.

 

It didn’t take long for Genkins to appear. He said something similar to “follow me” and Wash was sent down an inward spiral.

 

David Washington had only been to a hospital a few times in his life. The first when a cousin broke their arm and Wash went to visit them with his mom. Later, when one of his closest friends nearly drank themself to death at a frat party in college, and then later when there was a shooting where he went to school and many of his friends died.

 

For four years, one of Washington’s greatest fears was losing the love of his life, and he knew for a fact that even if he wasn’t headed to the morgue to identify a body- Tucker and him were still over. He’d already lost Tucker but that didn’t stop his mind from racing all over the place- Tucker needed to be okay. Wash and so many people that were still very prominent in Tucker’s life needed him to be okay.

 

He nearly passed out when he was lead to the morgue. The very same morgue he’d been to back in college to identify the faces of his closest friends.

 

He nearly threw up when he saw the rows and rows of drawers containing dead bodies.

 

Wash could barely hear the officer's voice over his own heartbeat.

 

“We just need you confirm… that this is, in fact Lavernius Tucker.” The drawer was open. Washington approached it. On the table layed a familiar face. The very same face Washington had hoped to wake up next to for the rest of his life. 

 

And for a moment, Wash could have sworn that he saw faces of the other men he’d felt the same way about years before.

 

“Yep. That’s Tucker.”

 

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for coming down. You must know you’re the only living person in his emergency contacts. Does he not have any family members that are living?”

 

Tucker looked the same as he had the last time Wash had seen him, save for the angry, tear-streaks. It would have looked like he was just sleeping, but then Wash noticed the puffiness around one one Tucker’s eyes, as if he was developing a black eye. And then Wash saw the gash in Tucker’s neck. And then Wash saw the bodies of his friends. North. York. South. Connie.

 

Wash rubbed at his eyes for a moment.

 

“Yeah, yeah… He has a son… And a couple of aunts and cousins.”

 

\--

 

The thing that confused Washington the most about the fact that Junior was sent to live with him was the fact that he was currently living with Carolina. He chose to spend the night with Junior at his and Tucker’s old place- it would probably be easier on Junior this way. Wash and Tucker had never been married nor had be ever adopted Junior, but as long as Junior wasn’t sent to the other side of America to live with his closest great-aunt or put into the foster care system, it was fine with Washington. 

 

His old place hadn’t changed much since he’d left a bit over a month ago- other than there were no photos of himself and it was significantly dirtier than he remembered.

 

Junior was sitting on the couch watching cartoons, and when he saw that Washington was back he grew ecstatic. “Papa!” he shouted jumping off the couch and tackling Washington in a hug. It took everything in him not to burst into tears right there and then.

 

“Hey dude… Why are you up so late?” How was he going to tell Junior? How was he going to tell Junior? How was he going to tell Junior? How was-

 

“I was waiting for dad to get back home. I missed you! Dad’s been so oppressed since you left. I bet he’ll be happy you’re back.” Junior released Wash and went back to his place on the couch.

 

“Haha, I think you mean depressed. Hey, what are you still doing up anyway? It’s  _ waaaaay _ past your bedtime, mister.” Wash knew he was stalling. Okay? He  _ knows _ . But… How do you deal with…  _ this. _

 

“Well, I was trying to wait for dad to come back last night, but then I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up a little bit ago so I just decided to watch cartoons.”

 

Wash inched his way towards the couch, “When did he leave?”

 

“I dunno, like noon, probably.”

 

Wash took a few deep breaths. There were so many similarities between this and ten years ago when he lost almost all of his friends. Just suck it up and tell him. The kid understands death. “Uh.. Junior…” Wash sat next to Junior and braced himself for a reaction. “Your dad isn’t coming back. He…”

 

“Oh, is he gone like how you left?”

 

Ouch.

 

“No, this is much more serious. He’s d… He di… He di-died.” Just like ripping off a bandaid. Slowly at first, and then all at once while to fear it will ruin the person you’re speaking to for the rest of their life.

 

“What?” Junior looked away from the tv and at Washington. “Dad died?” 

 

“Yeah.” Wash couldn’t tell if Junior was sad, confused or processing it. Probably all three.

 

Junior nodded slowly and walked to his room without a word.

 

Wash didn’t know how to deal with this. This wasn’t something he knew how to deal with. Childhood grief. Oh god.

 

The next thing Wash started on was phone calls.

 

“Hello?” Carolina answered, sounding alert for five am. 

 

“Hi…” Wash’s voice was the smallest and most dejected thing he’d ever heard. “I’m staying at my old place for now.”

 

There was a pause. “You and Tucker make up?”

 

That was what broke Washington into tears.

 

“Holy shit- David- I’m sorry.. Uh.. What’s going on?”

 

“It’s- It’s not your fault. Tucker died earlier this morning so I’m here to take care of Junior.”

 

“ _ Holy shit _ .” Carolina paused while Wash sniffled a few times. “I mean- You know I’m not very good with kids but… if you need any help, I can come over.”

 

“I think… I just really need to be alone right now. I don’t think Junior needs a lot of people here either.”

 

“Yeah… God- Wash… Do you know what happened?”

 

“Yeah, kinda… Tucker got into a knife fight, or maybe he was just stabbed. I don’t know. There’s an investigation going on right now. I’m probably not even supposed to tell you that. I was briefed by an officer and this might go to court.” Wash heaved out a sigh.

 

“Hey… buddy… I’m here for you.”

 

“I know. I have to call Caboose and Tucker’s boss now though. I think I’ll give Junior’s school a call as well. If I need you I’ll call again.”

 

“Okay. Bye, also- hang in there… And get some sleep. For me?”

 

“Thanks, and yeah. I’ll try. I really appreciate it.” Wash hung up, rubbed his sore eyes, sniffled a little bit and called Caboose.

 

“Hello Washington!” Caboose was somehow even more alert than Carolina was.

 

“Hey Caboose.”

 

“Oh no, what’s wrong?!”

 

“Tucker died earlier this morning.” The rest of the phone call was very similar to the one with Carolina. Tucker’s boss and Junior’s school didn’t pick up so Washington just left voicemails explaining the situation to both of them.

 

There was absolutely no way, in a million years, that Wash was going to be able to sleep in his and Tucker’s old bed. So before passing out on the couch, he checked on Junior.

 

Junior was sound asleep in his bed, hugging tightly onto a teddy bear his dad had given him a bit before Wash left.

 

\--

 

When Washington woke up, he was in a chair. His back was sore and his hands clenched together. Looking around, he found himself enveloped in the sterilized smell of a hospital’s waiting room. To his right sat Carolina, her hair still long like it was back in college. To his left were three people he recognised but took a minute to place them. The most painful face to look at of the three was Tucker’s face. 

 

Next to Tucker was Kaikaina and Caboose. They all looked about ten years younger though.

 

Oh shit.

 

Wash’s heart started beating crazy as he realized where he was.

 

_ Oh shit. _

 

The lights were suddenly too bright and buzzing too loud, and the room was too quiet and-

 

“David Washington, Carolina Church?” a doctor asked as they walked into the room.  **_NO._ **

 

Like a reflex, Wash shook Carolina’s arm to wake her up. Her eyes opened and she jumped up, ready to go see her friends. Well… ready in the sense that she was still unaware that none of them had survived.

 

“Right here,” Wash called to the doctor, Carolina grabbed his arm and marched after the doctor. As they went through the double doors, Wash looked back and made eye contact with Tucker.  **_Oh god._ **

 

Wash knew, having already done this, that him and Carolina were being led to the morgue. Carolina was unaware of that, though. Last time they’d done this, Wash was antsy to see his friends. He thought they were okay and that was why they were able to see them. It turns out that their friend’s families had just decided that Wash and Carolina should say goodbye- even if their friends were already gone.

 

The doctor led them through a double door, and into the morgue. “David…” Carolina’s excitement had quickly turned.

 

“Right this way,” the doctor opened the door for them.

 

“What…” Carolina’s eyes widened, as she took in the fact that her friend’s families were standing in there. “They’re not- They didn’t.” Carolina dropped Wash’s arm and approached York’s mother, a woman Wash had only ever met twice. “Are you okay?” Carolina asked her.

 

Wash’s breathing was shallow and he couldn’t think straight. Fresh air, he needed fresh air, rushing out of the morgue, he passed down the hallway leaving Carolina and his best friend’s families in his dust. Leaning up against the side of the hospital, Wash rattled his bones and sucked that sweet sweet air into his lungs. 

 

Closing his eyes tight, the sound of someone crunching pavement and approaching him put him on edge. Ignoring the feeling of sinking into water, Wash focused on the other person. Popping his eyes open, Wash got ready to push the person up against the hospital wall.

 

Before Wash even processed that the person who had stopped next to him was Tucker, he had grabbed his shirt collar and was ready to throw the first punch.

 

“Hey,  _ hey, hey _ , whoa. Dude, calm down.” Tucker’s eyes were wide and he had his hands up in a “hey, I’m not gonna hurt you” way. Wash starred into Tucker’s eyes, and this was all just too real. “Uh.. Can you please let me… go…”

 

Wash blinked and let go of Tucker’s shirt. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, Tucker.”

 

Tucker paused flattening his shirt and looked at Wash oddly, “How do you know my name?”

 

It felt like a rug was pulled out from underneath Wash.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“We’ve never met.”

 

“We’ve never…”  _ The image of Tucker on the metal table, blood covering his neck and a busted eye. _ Wash gripped at his mouth as if he was trying not to vomit.

 

“Whoa, whoa, dude, are you okay?” Tucker put a hand on Wash’s shoulder to steady him.

 

“I…” Wash cut himself off and he leaned back up against the brick wall. The scratchiness grounding him.

 

“Here, uh… Name five things you can smell.” Tucker was trying to be helpful, but Wash wanted more than anything to just wake up from this nightmare.

 

“I’m not… having a panic attack.” Wash wiped sweat off his forehead and tried to stop hyperventilating.

 

“Yeah, and I’m a virgin,” Tucker joked. Wash didn’t laugh so Tucker followed, “Uh, sorry, nevermind. Uh… Even if you aren’t, you should still try to not disassociate, so just tell me what you can smell.”

 

Wash, with his eyes squeezed shut took a moment to breathe deeply and slow his hyperventilation. “Your cologne… Sweat… It smells like it’s going to rain soon. McDonalds from down the block. Freshly cut grass.”

 

“Nice, nice, nice, nice… Alright five things you can hear.”

 

“Wind rustling trees. Traffic. My heart beat. Your breathing. A car alarm going off in the McDonalds parking lot.”

 

Tucker laughed a little bit, “Yeah, okay five things you can see.”

 

Wash’s heartbeat was almost to it’s normal pace and then. North’s face, pale and almost purple looking. South’s hair spattered with blood. Connie, laying in a puddle of her own blood, clutching her stomach. York’s face almost unresizable, a red wound where his eye should be. Tucker, bloody neck and busted eye- “Haugh!” Wash almost collapsed and Tucker more or less caught him.

 

“Hey, whoa, okay.. You’re okay… Everything’s going to be… fine… Here.” Tucker slung one of Wash’s arms over his shoulder and lowered the both of them onto the ground.

 

“T… Tucker…” Wash opened his eyes, checking to see if Tucker was still there.

 

“Yeah.. Here let’s try this, look at me and focus on your breathing.” Tucker used a hand to mime taking air in, and releasing it slowly. “So how do you know my name?”

 

“We… go to school together, don’t we?” You’re my long-term boy… ex… boyfriend.

 

“Yeah… I do recognise you, I don’t know why though…” Tucker then reached up to scratch at his own neck and Wash had to try his best to not recoil.

 

“Why did you follow me out here?”

 

“Ha! You think I came out here for you,” Wash still didn’t laugh so Tucker cleared his throat, “uh, kidding… I just saw you come running out and I… don’t actually know. This is really crazy sounding and you probably don’t need to hear something existential while you’re like… this… but I just felt like I couldn’t, I don’t know… mess it up again? I don’t even know what I messed up though.”

 

Wash, not caring that they were sitting on the pavement outside a hospital, nor that they wouldn’t even meet for a few years, gripped onto Tucker’s hand and rasped, “You didn’t mess anything up. Tucker, none of it was your fault.”

 

“What, you gonna ask me for a date first, or what, haha.” Tucker looked a little confused, but not uncomfortable and he also didn’t take his hand back. “What’s your name… I feel like I already know it…”

 

“Washington.”

 

“Yeah, I had a feeling it was gonna be something like that. So… are you okay? Not that you have to tell me what you saw in there- I imagine it was bad…”

 

“I didn’t see anything really…” He didn’t look at any of his friends this time… and last time he’d seen North, then York and then he’d ran out of the building then as well.

 

“Okay… I’m here for Donut, Church, Grif and Simmons. You know any of them?”

 

Yes. “Not really. Uh… I know Church’s sister.”

 

“I hear they’re all gonna be okay. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but… I assume your friends… not so lucky?”

 

“Not so lucky.” Wash confirmed. He already knew what was going to happen. 

 

Donut was going to be back on his feet within the week, notoriously known as the “Man who survived three gunshots, one to the head, one to the hand and one to heart” it was really just his chest, but the alliteration had made it stick. 

 

Church would be in a coma for about four years, Caboose stopping by everyday to read him stories and tell him what was going on his life before Church recovered and suffered from light amnesia for a week or so before making a full recovery.

 

Grif and Simmons would each be in surgery right about now, and within the next five months they’d each a prosthetic limb that either didn’t match their skin tone quite right, or was cybernetic.

 

“Sometimes life be like that.”

 

“You’re really bad at cheering people up,” Wash laughed, a bit sad, but a laugh nonetheless.

 

Tucker opened his mouth to say something, but before the words could leave his mouth, Carolina rushed out of the hospital doors, and looked around until she spotted Wash basically cuddling Tucker on the ground.

 

“Wash-” Carolina looked very pale, and odd, with her hair still long. “I was looking everywhere for you. Are you okay…?” 

 

“Uh. I don’t know.”

 

“Who’re you?” She asked Tucker, a little cautious.

 

“Oh… Uh… I’m just another kid guy from campus… I’m your brother’s roommate…”

 

Carolina paused and looked to be assessing the situation. “Hey, Wash,” and then she motioned with her head to side, indicating she wanted to have a sidebar with just Wash.

 

“You can just say it, it doesn’t really matter if Tucker hears.”   
  


Carolina sighed before saying, “Fine. I know how you’re feeling with York and North… but… I’m not going to let you have self-destructive one-night-stand with my brother’s roommate.”

 

“Carolina- that’s not-”

 

“ _ Listen _ , I know you’re hurting, or numb, or  _ something _ , but I can’t let you do this to yourself. I’m not going to let you sink… okay? I need you to be there for me, and I’m going to be here for you. Okay?”

 

“Yeah, of course, thank you, but Tucker’s not- I’m not going to- He’s not-”

 

“Uh,” Tucker cut Wash off, “I have a girlfriend, actually…” 

 

Like a slap to the face, Wash placed where Tucker was in his life currently. He was with a girl who had a bad history of exes and would date Tucker on and off for a year. She was Junior’s mom, and Tucker either was currently pregnant, or soon-to-be pregnant. If he was currently pregnant, he was unaware of it. This girl would just up and disappear one day, but her exes wouldn’t and neither would the kid she left. 

 

“Okay…” Carolina kind of trails off and she looks close to collapsing. She should join his and Tucker’s floor party.

 

And then as Wash blinked, he opened his eyes and he wasn’t on the pavement of a cold tuesday night, he was in a house, two years earlier than the school shooting even. 

 

He was in York’s childhood home, the first time he’d ever met York’s parents. He was staying there with Carolina, North and York. It was probably the most memorable holiday he’d ever had because upon arriving at their house, York introduced the group to his parents with, “These are my boyfriends David, and Dakota, and this is my girlfriend Carolina.” Which had utterly mortified Wash, but hey, at least nobody had to pretend there.

 

Wash was sitting on the floor, leaned up against the couch, between North’s legs, York sat between Carolina and North, York’s mom and dad were busy cooking dinner in the kitchen. Still in the same town their college was in, hence why they’d gone to York’s for Christmas break, the news was playing a story about a student at their school.

 

In hindsight, it was really jarring to see this story. “UNSC student Isaac ‘Felix’ Gates arrested for one account of assault and battery.” Felix was one of the ex’s exes that didn’t disappear. He liked to follow her around and check in randomly to make sure she knew that he knew where she was at all times. Multiple times he’d gone up to Tucker trying to figure out where she’d disappeared to and there was one time he’d followed Tucker from his work to his apartment and then a restraining order was filed.

 

That, obviously, did not do anything.

 

The news station showed a mugshot of Felix the image of Tucker’s ex, her face bruised and bloody, and while Wash had never liked her and even hated her for what she’d done to Tucker, he always held a certain amount of sympathy for her. He never knew that Felix had done…  _ this _ though. 

 

Wash felt sick to his stomach and looked away from the screen at his friends. North smiled at Wash, which made him feel like a fuzzy little kid. That was why he’d fallen in love with North.

 

North had an aura of… well, Wash wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but it was healing. You couldn’t be… broken… when you were with North. He was good at picking up pieces and knowing exactly where they fit. Sitting between his legs felt like a splint. At this point he’d been dating North and York for almost a semester of college. He wasn’t quite sure if he was dating Maine yet or not. Tenish years was a long time to remember specifics.

 

North’s face was angular and peachy and blushing and nothing like the pale, lifeless purple that had been seared into Wash’s memory for the last decade of his life.

 

Wash’s eyes traveled over to York, who was clearly spaced out and staring at the tv. He made Wash feel warm. He’d fallen in love with York for his sense of humor and ability to make Wash happy.

 

York was the epitome of Frat Boy Who is Good Actually, and had been the reason for two out of three of Wash’s trips to the hospital. The first because York had drank too heavily at Mother of Invention fraternity party and the second because while York could survive alcohol poisoning, and much more dumb shit, he could not survive a bullet through the skull.

 

His face was a tan, warm, light brown, and Wash wanted to stare at him like this. And get the picture of his half-face purged from his mind. York’s features were soft, and just as warm as the rest of him.

 

“I… miss you guys,” Wash wasn’t sure what else to say. Carolina was the first to look at him, and he was  _ certain _ for just a moment that she knew exactly what he meant, but then her face cleared and she held the same bemused expression as the other two.

 

“What do you mean, we’ve been together all break,” York was no longer absentmindedly staring at the tv, but he still held the same dumb smile that Wash was cursing himself for forgetting.

 

“Yeah… I know. But I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve all just… Relaxed and hung out together…” Wash closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to center himself right there.

 

The house smelled of sugar cookies, and the fireplace in the living room lined with childhood pictures of York kept the living room illuminated dimly with yellow light, and the kitchen’s doorway peeked with white light. The crackling and buzz of the tv made Wash smile… So did North squeezing Wash a little between his legs.

 

“And I bet you wish Maine was here too, to ‘relax’ with,” Carolina teased him.

 

Had everything that had happened between Wash and Maine not happened, this probably would have made Wash blush or insist otherwise or something, but in all honesty, Wash  _ couldn’t remember Maine. _ The last time he’d even seen the guy had been about a year after he and Tucker had started dating and it wasn’t memorable or anything.

 

“Haha, yeah,” Wash laughed with Carolina and York and North giggled along as well.

 

Was he dating Maine yet? Whatever.

 

“I just… miss you guys…” Wash then leaned his head against North’s knee and felt North’s hand brush through his hair.

 

“We miss you too,” North whispered.

 

Wash sighed heavily and tried to calm down a bit. He hadn’t had a dream about these two in years, and this was so… vivid… Wash turned around again, and North took his hand out of Wash’s hair.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“The… news is stressing me out a little bit…”

 

“Do want me to switch it?” York offered, Carolina already reaching for the remote.

 

“I think is almost ready, do you want us to put on a movie?” North offered.

 

“We can watch the spiderman movie I picked up earlier,” Carolina offered.

 

“I’m going to go help with the food, you can take my spot,” North then got up, rubbing Wash’s head as he moved past him to turn on the movie and then head into the kitchen.

 

Wash took North’s spot, pressed up against York. York squeezed Wash’s thigh with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Carolina.

 

“You really okay?” York whispered into Wash’s ear, his eyes still on the tv, and loud enough for Carolina to hear him.

 

“Um. Yeah.”

 

“Liar. Hey, ‘Lina, Wash and me are gonna head up to my room for a little bit, no need to pause the movie, and if dinner is done before we’re back just start without us.” York gave Carolina a kiss on the forehead, and then grabbed Wash’s hand and lead him through the living room, up the staircase and into a room that Wash guessed was York’s childhood bedroom.

 

“What’s up with you dude?” York plopped down onto his bed, flipping on his bedside lamp.

 

“Nothing…” Wash wasn’t sure why these part of his relationships had faded from his memory. All he’d had left were their lifeless or bloody faces.

 

“C’mon, Waaash…” York tugged lightly at Wash’s hand to him onto his lap. “Don’t make me pull the puppy face- you know I’ll do it too.”

 

“It- You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” How do you explain something like this to someone?

 

“Try me-e,” York buried his face into the crook of Wash’s neck. He’d always been a very physical person, that Wash did remember- if not only because Maine was as well, but North was not and dating all three of them at once had been a trip back in the days.

 

“So say I knew something was going to happen to someone, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it, but I  _ knew _ and I hadn’t seen them in forever and now everything is happening all over again…”

 

“Is this purely a hypothetical?” York’s muffled voice tickled the little hairs on Wash’s neck.

 

“Maybe?”

 

“Well… if there’s nothing you can do about it, when you just need to let go of it.”

 

“But what if-”

 

“What if there is a way to stop it?”

 

“...Yeah…”

 

York hummed a little bit, “Well do you know how it turns out?”

 

“For the most part.”

 

“Does it turn out bad?”

 

“I… Don’t know.”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” York pulled away from Wash a little bit and rested his chin on Wash’s shoulder. “Do they turn out okay?”

 

“No… But everyone else does… eventually.”

 

“Why don’t they turn out okay?”

 

“They… die…”

 

York paused for a few beats, and Wash was almost certain, as he had been with Carolina earlier, that York knew what Wash meant, but then it seemed like he didn’t. “Can you tell me who they are?”

 

“No.” York’s childhood bedroom smelled so much like York, it had baseball posters hanging around on all the walls, and it just screamed York.

 

“Okay… Any you think you might be able to save them?”

 

“No. But there’s someone else I think I can save.”

 

“How do you plan on saving them?”

 

“By never meeting him.”

 

“Is that a good thing though?”

 

“I… no… no, that’s not a good thing.”

 

“Any isn’t it a good thing?”

 

“Because… while I need him now, he needed me then. And he needs me now too. But, no… He’s just… gone…” Wash turned around on York’s lap, so he had his legs wrapped around York’s waist, his head now buried into York’s chest.

 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay… Everything’s okay…” York whispered into Wash’s ear, rubbing circles into his back. “Here, do you need North? I can go get him for you.”

 

Wash shook his head yes, then no.

 

“Don’t want to be left alone?”

 

Wash shook his head yes.

 

“Here, you can hold onto Mr. Snuggles while I go get North, I’ll be right back, I promise.” York then reached around his twin sized bed to grab a tattered stuffed bear, presumably from his childhood, and give it to Wash. York then wiped Wash’s face with his thumb, and Wash wasn’t even aware that he’d been crying again.

 

York moved Wash off his lap and to the side of himself, before basically sprinting out the door and in record time he was back with North.

 

“Hey, Wash?” North’s soothing voice felt like a blanket.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Here,” North sat down on the bed, next to Wash, who was laying down in it, York then sat down too. “You okay pooh bear?”

 

For some reason Wash had no memory of North, or York for that matter, ever using pet nicknames for him, so this caused Wash to laugh for a moment.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”

 

Wash let his heavy eyes droop shut.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: childhood grief, depression + coping from breakups by hanging out with abusers, neck injury, fight/blood/violence, drinking, ptsd, grief

When he opened his eyes again, he was in his and Tucker’s apartment again, the sun was shining brightly through the window right into Wash’s eyes.

 

“Papa? Do you want some cereal?” Junior asked from the kitchen.

 

“Uh- I’m good…” Wash’s eyes were sore and crusty feeling, and his jaw was sore, presumably from clenching it during his sleep. “What- What time is is Junior?”

 

“Noon. I’m making cinnamon toast crunch.”

 

“Okay,” Wash laughed as he rubbed at his eyes before checking his phone.

 

**Four missed calls. Two unread messages.**

 

Junior’s school, Officer Genkins, and Donut had called Wash. The texts were from Caboose and Carolina- both basically just saying that they were there if Wash needed them.

 

Wash started by calling Junior’s school back again and basically just reiterated that his dad had died so Junior was going to be taking a little time off from school. Wash then called Officer Genkins who basically just let him know that foul play was basically a guarantee as more information came to light and they need Wash to stop by the police station to see if he recognised any enemies of Tucker. Wash then called Donut back, who was somehow already up-to-date on what had happened with Tucker and offered to come help watch Junior with Doc or take Wash out for a boy’s night. Wash declined.

 

“Hey, Junior-” Wash called to the kitchen.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How’re you feeling, buddy?”

 

Junior joined Wash on the couch with his cereal bowl and his mouth was full but he answered anyway. “I dunno.”

 

“Are you sad?” Who was Wash kidding, of course the kid was sad, but he still had to be a parent for Junior.

 

“I… think so.” Junior didn't seem particularly bothered, he was just eating his cereal. “It mostly just feels like how it did when you left.”

 

“Excuse me, buddy.” Wash then got up and locked himself in the bathroom to have a good cry.

 

After twenty minutes worth of a nice cry, Wash then helped Junior get ready for the day. Wash would need to go see Officer Genkins at the police station, so he took Junior into the bright, eery almost building.

 

Holding Junior’s hand, Wash approached the front desk. “Hey, I’m here to see Officer Genkins, I’m David Washington.”

 

“Okay,” the secretary responded, peering at Junior from behind the desk, “cute kid.”

 

“Thanks.” Wash didn’t really know how to respond to that, but Junior moved a bit behind Wash’s body to hide from the secretary. “Junior, it’s okay.” Wash tried to coax him out, noticing a bowl of lollipops on the desk Wash asked, “Hey, is it okay if he has one?”

 

“Mhm,” the secretary nodded. “Officer Genkins seems to be in right now, so just go through that door and turn left. He should be at the desk all the way towards the wall, but there’ll be nametags if you get lost. 

 

Wash nodded, thanked him and then took Junior to go see Officer Genkins. Genkins was easily spottable from the door, so Wash just made his way right to him at his desk.

 

“Hey, David Washington here about the call you left this morning.”

 

Genkins looked up from the computer he was typing at, “Oh! David, welcome, uh here, just take a seat and we can get started.” Wash pulled a chair out for Junior and then took the next seat for himself. “So, not to get graphic or anything, but it’s fairly certain that some kind of foul play was involved in Lavernius’s passing- we’re currently investigating more in on that- but I have some contacts from his phone here written down that we suspect he could have been out with, and if there’s any other name you’ve got, I’d like to know.” Genkins took out a file and slid it around for Wash.

 

Opening the file, there were only a few names, each with about a full page of notes and an image. Wash flipped through recognizing his friend's names.

 

Caboose, Michael

Church, Carolina

Church, Leonard

Donut, Franklin

DuFresne, Frank

Gates, Isaac

Grif, Dexter

Grif, Kaikaina

Sarge

Simmons, Richard

 

“Yeah, I don’t really think that any of these people would have killed Tucker. They’re all our friends so it’s kind of… weird… I mean there was one name that I didn’t-”

 

Junior poked at Wash and said, “Papa, Felix was in there.” 

 

“What?” Wash began flipping through again, thinking he missed a name. “Where?”

 

“Isaac Gates is Felix’s real name.”

 

“Oh…” Wash swallowed hard and flipped to the page, sure enough there was a picture that did look like Felix. “Officer Genkins, if it’s okay for me to ask… why do you think Tucker was out with him?”

 

“Well,” Genkins flipped the file back to face himself as he read a few things on it, “there were recent texts between the two of them, and he’s also the only person from that list we’re certain was at the bar. The others are just people who Tucker either texted recently or had plans to go out with soon.”

 

“Okay.” Wash blinked hard. It was a dumb thing but he really didn’t want to cry in front of Junior. “Well Felix and Tucker do have a history of… well a history. Tucker had a restraining order against Felix so I have no clue why the two of them were out together or why Tucker would plan on leaving at all.”

 

Officer Genkins nodded. “Thank you for your insight and help. We’ll be sure to leave you a call if we need anymore help. If we’re to get to the bottom of this, you might be called in to testify in court as well.”

 

Wash nodded.

 

Junior got an ice cream sunday, but Wash could tell that Junior was hurting.

 

It’s not everyday you have identify your father’s murderer. 

 

When they got back to the apartment, they put on a movie together. “Hey Junior?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You do understand everything that’s happening, right? You haven’t really dealt with death or loss yet, have you?”

 

“Not really. But I get it.”

 

“Okay.” There was a long pause before Wash continued, “If you’d like we can have Caboose or Donut or Carolina or someone come over and hang out for the afternoon.”

 

“Is dad going to have a funeral?”

 

“Uh… Do you want him to?”

 

“Kind of. That’s what we do when people die, right?” Junior had his thinking face and Wash felt a weird sort of surge of pride and love for his kid. 

 

“I suppose so. I’ll have to get on planning it then, huh.”

 

“Do I get to plan it with you!” Junior was excited now.

 

“Yeah, if you’d like.” They were then quiet for the rest of the movie. After it was over Junior decided that he wanted to go play basketball with his apartment building friends while Wash watched some more movies. At some point Donut called Wash and the two of them watched the movie together online.

 

“David, are you okay?” Donut asked him after he was quiet for a while.

 

“I… don’t know. I mean, it feels like I’ll never be okay, but I don’t know. At some point I will be.”

 

“Well it’s just… Tucker was everyone’s friend, but you were the closest to him, and I’m sure it’s very painful. If you ever want to talk about your feelings, I’m here for you.”

 

“I know Donut.”

 

“Okay.” Donut had to catch a yoga class with Doc as soon as the movie ended so Wash just went to the window to watch Junior play basketball with his friends.

 

Junior was laughing and making a shot at the hoop. He looked happy and Wash was hoping that Junior could continue to feel like for a while. He wasn’t even certain that Junior 100% understood what had happened with his dad. He was about 9, and was able to understand a lot but… probably not how to process or even feel grief. He’d never had that first hamster or a dog or any kind of pet, and he’d been born after the college shooting, and he’d never really met any immediate or extended family so there wasn’t even a prior experience for him to base this off of.

 

Wash rubbed at his temples before heading into the kitchen to cook some lunch for Junior. Apparently Tucker was probably killed by Felix the image of  _ Tucker’s dead body  _ flashed before Wash’s eyes and he dropped the cheese that he was holding. He let out a little yelp, then just sank further onto the ground to chill for a few moments.

 

He hadn’t really allowed himself to think about Tucker yet. Not even just about the death. He'd been refusing to talk about the breakup either. 

 

Except now it wasn’t his fault this time and now he’d never to get to apologize.

 

Wash got back up to his, feet- he couldn’t allow himself to start thinking like that again. He had to take care of Junior and that was the only thing that mattered right now.

 

Nachos had been made and Junior was called inside to come eat before heading back out and joining his friends again.

 

Wash debated calling Carolina or Donut again but didn’t want to waste any of their time- at least he was thinking this when he got a call from Caboose. Unable to distinguish Caboose’s caller ID from the image of Tucker’s Wash answered and got ready to hear that Caboose was dead.

 

“Hello Washington!” Caboose cheered through the phone. Wash’s mood improved immediately and there was a loud sigh let out by him.

 

“Hey Caboose, what’s up?”

 

“Well,” Caboose was eating something as he spoke, “I was wondering about you and I was worried that you might be not so okay. Also I miss Junior and…” Caboose didn’t finish but Wash got it. Caboose was grieving as well.

 

“Okay, yeah. Junior misses you too. If you’re free you and Church can stop by for dinner.” It would give Wash and excuse to cook a lot and Junior probably missed his uncles.

 

“I’m not sure Church is in the best way to come visit for dinner, but I will make sure that I come!”

 

“You’re going to leave Church alone when he’s sick?” 

 

“Church is not sick. He is sad. And misses Tucker. But you do make a good point. I will make sure that both me and Church make it for dinner!” Wash could hear the back straighten and giant puppy smile on Caboose’s face.

 

“Oh… That sounds great. See you at about six then?”

 

“Six o'clock!” They hung up and Wash got Junior ready to go grocery shopping.

 

Wash kept a close eye on Junior and while he’d usually be bouncing around and begging for candy or soda, he mostly just walked quietly with one hand on the side of the grocery cart… A thing Tucker used to make Junior do when he was getting especially rowdy.

 

“Hey, Junior… Are you feeling okay?” Obviously not. What a dumb fucking question, David.

 

Junior didn’t really answer, he just kind of turned to look at Wash before asking, “Are you going to start calling me Tucker now?”

 

“Wash stopped walking and moved the cart to side of the isle so he could lean down and be eye level with Junior. “Why would I do that?”

 

“Well, I’m Junior, but I’m really the same name as dad and now that dad’s gone, does that mean you’re going to call me by my real name now?”

 

“Oh…” Wash had to suck in a breath. “Do you want to be called Tucker or Lavernius now?”

 

“No.”

 

“That’s good,” Wash forced a laugh and Junior’s face lit up, “I kind of prefer calling you Junior anyway.” Junior smiled at Wash, and it was hard to tell if it was forced or not, but he seemed like he was content with what Wash had said and it felt like he’d finally done  _ something _ right. 

 

After getting home Wash had about an hour to prepare dinner until Church and Caboose would arrive so he got to work and had Junior help out with some of it.

 

By the time Caboose and Church arrived, Caboose wearing a sleeveless suit jacket, basketball shorts and bowtie while Church was wearing street clothes and a tie to match Caboose the dinner was cooking and almost ready to be served.

 

“Hey guys, thanks for stopping by for dinner.” Wash invited them in and they took seats at the dining table.

 

“Oh yes! We were very excited that you invited us, here we bought a pack of beer!” Caboose sets the case of glass bottles on the table and Wash laughs. 

 

“Thanks, I’m going to go see if the dinner’s ready yet. It should be just about done.” As Wash excused himself, Junior went bouncing out of his room and right into Caboose’s chest.

 

“Uncle Mike! Uncle Leo!” Caboose gave Junior a big hug and swang him around a bit Church just ruffled Junior locks.

 

“Junior, how have you been today?”

 

The dinner went well, the three adults got a bit buzzed but dinner was good and they all made light conversation until about ten when Caboose and Church decided to retire and Wash had to put Junior to bed. During the dinner it was hard to not notice Church look around like he was waiting for someone to join them, and Caboose seemed to be forcing a smile onto his face at all times.

 

It hurt.

 

Wash tucked Junior into bed and then went to collapse into his own bed. He’d fallen back into the routine his life had been like before, except now Tucker wasn’t just running late at work.

 

Speaking of work, Wash had started looking for work a few weeks after the breakup with Tucker, only because Carolina thought it’d help him get back on his feet faster… Wash had only not been working because Tucker wouldn’t allow someone else to provide for his family and he was making enough money to support the three of them.

 

So Wash would continue his search for work… eventually… 

 

For now he just stared up at the ceiling pushing images of Tucker’s slit neck from his mind until sleep took him. 

 

Wash opened his eyes and he was sitting on the couch in Carolina’s place, phone in hand and waiting for her to get home. Without thinking twice, Wash got up and raced to the bar that Tucker was at that night. If the point of his dreams were to see Tucker again, he was going to do his best to save him.

 

By the time Wash got to the bar, Tucker was already wasted and drinking shot to shot with Felix.

 

“Tucker!” Wash called, feeling like he was at the end of a long tunnel.

 

Tucker swayed his head to look at Wash and the tunnel suddenly disappeared and Wash was right in front of Tucker.

 

“Youuu…” Tucker slurred, slipping off of his chair a little bit.

 

“Tucker what are you doing?” Wash put a hand out to steady Tucker and Tucker snuggled the hand at first before shaking his head and shrugging off Wash’s hand. Felix looked very uncomfortable. “Why are you hang out with Felix- you literally have a restraining order against him.” Maybe Wash would be able to get some answers or change something here. If not in real life, then maybe in his dreams. What a poetic bastard.

 

“S’not any a your… business,  _ Washington _ .” Tucker poked Wash’s shoulder and pushed him back a bit.

 

“Are you okay? C’mon, we should get you home.”

 

“No.” Tucker looked away from Wash and took another shot.

 

“Tucker…” I need you.

 

“Hey! He said no!” Felix cuts in and slams a drink down on the table.

 

“Don’t talk to my-  _ Washington _ like that!” Tucker retorts, seeming to have sobered up a little bit, for at least that one sentence.

 

Thinking fast Washington says, “Junior needs you at home, c’mon Tucker.”

 

“Bullshit! I put him to bed a few hours ago and you wouldn’t have gone there if you hadn’t already.” Tucker breathes heavily for a moment and almost slips off the bar stool again. “What do you  _ want _ .” He sounds defeated and tired. Pretty much how Wash feels.

 

“I-”

 

Tucker cuts Wash off before he can defend himself. “Remember  _ Washington _ :  _ you _ left  _ me _ . You’re not allowed to care about me or our-  _ my _ family anymore. Just… Just fuck off.” Tucker is crying.

 

“Tucker, I didn’t want us to break up…”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“Plea-” Wash is cut off by Tucker stumbling to his feet and tugging at Felix to follow him outside. Wash follows them. “Tucker, I’m so sorry. I can’t-” lose you here too.

 

Felix steps between Tucker and Wash and a wave of anger moves through Wash. “Listen, Wash. You need to leave Tucker alone right now.”

 

“What? And you know him so well that he wants to be with you?”

 

“At least Tucker wants to hang out with me.”

 

Wash shakes his head, and then pushes Felix out of the way. “Tucker, Felix is going to hurt you. You have a restraining order against him  _ for a reason. _ ”

 

“What d’you know  _ Washington _ ,” Tucker mocks him while swaying wildly from side to side, “considering that you hurt me too?”

 

“What kind of fucking logic is that? We got into an argument, Tucker. We’re able to patch stuff up. Felix though- he beat your ex-girlfriend up, stalked you  _ and your son _ and-” killed you, “-and is a terrible person!”

 

“Wash I don’t like hearing people talk about me like that,” Felix’s voice is similar to a low growl. Wash turns to look at Felix, who is holding what looks suspiciously like a knife.

 

“Felix don’t you dare hurt him.” Wash, who had never been in much of a fight before, gets ready to take down Felix.

 

“Who says I’m going to lay a finger on Tucker?”

 

With that Felix lunges at Wash, and misses, punching Tucker right in the face.

 

“I’m going to kill you.” Wash grabs Felix by the abdomen and tosses him back towards a wall. Wash then looks at Tucker to make sure he’s okay. “We’ve got to go Tucker.”

 

“No!” Tucker’s more or less crumpled onto the pavement, clutching his eye.

 

Felix ragians his stability, or at least whatever semblance of that a drunk man could have. Felix then lunges at Wash again, but Wash is able to push him to side where he falls face-down into the pavement.

 

“Tucker, c’mon.” Wash places his hand on Tucker’s shoulder and Tucker throws it off.

 

“Don’t.” Tucker then makes his way over to Felix and time seems to slow down as Tucker grabs Felix’s arm, and the other comes up to slash the knife at Tucker’s throat.

 

Wash watches Tucker’s face, confused and scared and hurt, fall to the ground and Felix sprints off. Not even aware of who he’s just killed.

 

And then it’s not night anymore. It’s daytime and Wash is sitting on the grass with North. 

 

Wash shoots up and starts looking around, trying to grasp his surroundings. North sits up with him, confused look on his face.

 

“Wash- Wash are you okay?” North reaches a hand over and wipes tears off Wash’s face that he hadn’t known were even there. Wash’s hand clasps North’s and hold it on his face.

 

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine.” Wash is hyperventilating and his whole body is shaking. 

 

“Baby, can you take some deep breaths for me?” North starts taking deep breaths to show Wash.

 

“Mhm.” Wash follows North and his body is still shaking but he’s no longer hyperventilating. 

 

North pulls Wash into a hug and runs his hands through Wash’s hair- which is nice because Wash hadn’t ever remembered him as a physical partner, and then Wash realizes that he hadn’t really had a panic disorder the first time they’d dated. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” North says softly.

 

Wash tries to force Tucker lost face from his mind, but the most he’s able to do is stop shaking and just revel in North’s hug. These dreams have been some of the best things to ever happen to him- he’s missed all his friends so much.

 

Just then a group of students go rushing towards the gym.

 

“What the hell’s going on?” North watches the students run away as another one goes running past the two of them. “Hey kid,” North stop them in their tracks, “what’s going on?”

 

“Didn’t you hear? York, Wyoming and Maine are playing Tex in basketball.” The kid then keeps running.

 

North looks excited to go see it, but he clearly doesn’t want to leave Wash.

 

“C’mon, we’ve  _ got _ to see this!” Wash gets up and pulls North after him. North, excited to go see their boyfriends get the shit kicked into him by Tex, quickly led Wash (thankfully, because Wash no longer knew the way to the gym after not being at that school for about a decade). 

 

This basketball game, if you could even call it that, was the most memorable one that happened- three on one but Tex was far more skilled than all three of the challengers combined. Aside from the fact that it was the most interesting game, it was also when Wash started liking Maine. He’d never really seen Maine move very much but watching him, York and Wyoming skirmish against Tex was… hot.

 

Wash looked around at the faces watching the game, and across the gym were two memorable faces: Tucker and Felix. The odd thing about the two of them watching this game together was that their girlfriend wasn’t wasn’t with them. Wash hadn’t been aware that the two of them had been friends ever outside of their girlfriend. Prying his stare from Tucker to the court, he’s just able to catch York blow a kiss towards him and North to which North catches the kiss and puts in his pocket while Was instinctively acts as if he’s playing tennis and whacks the kiss back at York. He then looks at Maine who’s trying and failing to block Tex from shooting a basket- he only ends up getting hit in the face before the ball makes into the basket.

 

Then time slows and Wash watches, knowing there’s nothing he can do, as Tex goes for another trick shot, slamming the ball into York’s face- how had Wash forgotten about this?!

 

York would fall to the ground, unconscious and bloody, and would end up being mostly blind in that eye and with a cool scar where the impact of the ball split his face.

 

But the scene switches as York is falling. It switches to Maine sitting on a bed, facing away from Wash and clutching at the sheets of their bed.

 

Maine’s shaking and Wash knows where they are. After the shooting, Maine went mute- it wasn’t ever hard to tell what he was thinking though, they’d dated for about three years. They broke up about a year after the shooting, then two years after that Wash started dating Tucker. It was not about a year after the shooting.

 

Maine grunted, and Wash still knew what it had meant. Wash swallowed, “I think you’re just running from something you’re afraid of.” At the time he’d regret saying that for the year, but he honestly didn’t see how else he was supposed to respond. 

 

Maine turned to stare at Wash, a burning gaze with fiery intent behind it. Wash half expected Mine to kiss him out of hate, their relationship turned sour after their friends had all died.

 

“I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me to be here.” Wash then crawled around Main to get out of the bed. As he moved to put on his pants Maine grabbed softly at his hand. Wash had previously yanked his hand from Maine’s let it rest and smiled softly at Maine before he finished gathering his stuff to leave and never look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOHOO! New chapter!! I'm actually really stupidly proud of this fic. The next chapter should be out by the end of May but we'll see how it goes lmao. Thank you for reading, feel free to find me on tumblr (georgebenji or mlmdonut) or twitter (@bigbosshossjr)


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